


23 Man Army (The Group Chat Fic)

by artisticGryfess



Category: Dimensional Links, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Dimensional Links - Freeform, Fluff, Gen, Goats, Group chat, Heelies, Kumquats - Freeform, No Plot/Plotless, Social Media, and so much more! - Freeform, little bit of blackmail but its fine, possibly too many goats, this is a made-up chat service that does not actually exist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22730224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artisticGryfess/pseuds/artisticGryfess
Summary: Discussions of a group chat fic on Discord resulted in this being a thing that exists! It's so very greatI have no idea where this is going, but I do know there probably will be absolutely zero plot, just a lot of goofing aroundThis is entirely based off of ChangelingRin's fic Dimensional Links, do NOT read this without having read that one first!
Comments: 36
Kudos: 98





	1. Wherefore Art Thou Link?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dimensional Links](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/559252) by ChangelingRin. 
  * Inspired by [Dimensional Links](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15194783) by [ChangelingRin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangelingRin/pseuds/ChangelingRin). 



_Link Hyrule_ created a group chat!

_Link Hyrule_ named chat _18 Man Army_

_Link Hyrule_ changed his name to _Kumquats_

_Kumquats_ added _Link Ordon, Link Smithson, Link Outset_ , and fourteen more to chat _19 Man Army_

_Kumquats_ upgraded _Link Ordon_ and _Link Skyloft_ to moderator!

Link Ordon: Lore

Link Ordon: What the heck is this

Link Ordon: Why are you kumquats

Kumquats: We needed a group chat!

Link Ordon: Why

Kumquats: Why not?!?

Link Ordon:

_Link Ordon_ changed his name to _Dusk!_

Dusk: So this is a thing now I guess

Link Kage: Why am I here

Kumquats: Because you’re one of us!

Kumquats: Your name is also Link, isn’t it?

Link Kage: How do I change my name

Kumquats: Only mods, so Dusk, Gen, and I can do that!

Kumquats: Here you go!

_Kumquats_ changed _Link Kage_ ’s name to _TheEdgyOne_!

TheEdgyOne: That is not what I meant and you know it

 _TheEdgyOne_ disconnected from the chat!

_Kumquats_ added _TheEdgyOne_ to the chat!

Kumquats: There Is No Escape

TheEdgyOne: @Dusk @Link Skyloft Help

Dusk: Sorry you eat with us at lunch and sit with us in class your name is Link, you’re in the group chat

TheEdgyOne: Betrayal

_Link Skyloft_ changed his name to _Gen_!

Gen: I refuse to get involved in this

TheEdgyOne: Betrayal

  


* * *

  


Linkat Chaar: We only need one account

Link Chaar: We only need one account

Linkle Chaar: We only need one account

Lonk Chaar: We only need one account

Gen: …

Gen: Lore, really? Why did you add all of them?

_Gen_ removed _Linkat Chaar, Linkle Chaar_ , and _Lonk Chaar_ from the group chat!

_Gen_ changed _Link Chaar_ ’s name to _The Four_!

The Four: Thank you

  


* * *

  


Link Leonson (3): Can I be made a mod for a moment? I wanna give us nicknames!

Kumquats: *squints* What kind of nicknames?

Link Leonson (3): The thematically appropriate kind

Kumquats: Sure, don’t see why not!

_Kumquats_ upgraded _Link Leonson (3)_ to moderator!

_Link Leonson_ (3) changed his name to _InnocentAndOptimistic_!

_InnocentAndOptimistic_ changed _Link Leonson_ ’s name to _FocusedAndMotivated_!

_InnocentAndOptimistic_ changed _Link Leonson (2)_ ’s name to _HotheadedAndAggressive_!

HotheadedAndAggressive: Hey!

Link Leonson (4): You know it’s true!

_InnocentAndOptimistic_ changed _Link Leonson (4)_ ’s name to _SuperCool!_!

SuperCool!: I would prefer “calm and collected”

HotheadedAndAggressive: If I have to suffer so do you

_InnocentAndOptimistic_ changed _SuperCool!_ ’s name to _CalmAndCollected_

InnocentAndOptimistic: It fits the theme better!

HotheadedAndAggressive: Red if you don’t change my nickname, I’ll--

InnocentAndOptimistic: (◕︿◕✿)

HotheadedAndAggressive: … Ok, fine it’s great, I love it! Thank you ever so much for this fantastic nickname!!

CalmAndCollected: Impressive how well that translates to text.

CalmAndCollected: Both the sarcasm and the Puppy Eyes.

InnocentAndOptimistic: Thank you! o(^◇^)o

HotheadedAndAggressive: Fight Me Vio

CalmAndCollected: If you insist. The Dennys by the Interstate at six?

FocusedAndMotivated: Guys! How many times do I have to tell you! No fighting each other in Denny’s parking lots!

HotheadedAndAggressive: fine.

CalmAndCollected: If you insist.

FocusedAndMotivated: I do!

InnocentAndOptimistic: Oh yeah Speck asked me to do a couple things before Lore changed my permissions back

_InnocentAndOptimistic_ changed _Link Smithson_ ’s name to _TheQuietOne_

_InnocentAndOptimistic_ changed _Dusk_ ’s name to _furry_

TheQuietOne: ｡;+*(★`∪´☆)*+;｡

Furry: SPECK ADFHTHRFH

_furry_ removed _InnocentAndOptimistic_ ’s moderator status!

InnocentAndOptimistic: awwwh

  


* * *

  


Link Trevithick: Can someone please change my name to GhostBuster?

furry: I gotchu, can I ask why?

Link Trevithick: I See Dead People

furry: Ah. I See.

_furry_ changed _Link Trevithick_ ’s name to _Ghostbuster_!

GhostBuster: Thank you!

Link Lost: Can I also change my nickname?

furry: Only mods can change nicknames, sorry

furry: What did you want it changed to?

Link Lost: uhhhh

Link Lost: I don’t know??

Kumquats: Ooh! Ooh! I do! Watch this!

_Kumquats_ changed _Link Lost_ ’s name to _I dont know (where I am that is)_

I dont know (where I am that is): oh thank you! That’s perfect!

I dont know (where I am that is): speaking of, can someone please find me?

Kumquats: Well you know what they say!

Kumquats: The party don’t get started until Realm gets lost!

furry: @Link Outset It’s your turn, isn’t it?

Link Outest: Dammit

  


* * *

  


Lint Outset: Okay now that we're back, can I have a nickname too please?

Link Lorule: Oh I know! I have the perfect nickname!

Link Lorule: @Kumquats lemme PM you my idea

Kumquats: Thank you so much for your contribution to the cause of Everyone Gets A Nickname!

_Kumquats_ changed _Link Outset_ ’s name to _Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man_!

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: oh this means _war_

_Kumquats_ changed _Link Lorule_ ’s name to _Sunny Weather Poncho Man_!

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: You, Dennys Parking Lot, Three AM, Lets Go

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: Bring It

Gen: No! The only people we fight here are Mr. Demise, Mr. Dragmire, and Mr Wind Fish, if you’re Lore! Never each other! There are greater threats!

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Oh yeah, that reminds me @Kumquats why do you hate Mr. Wind Fish so much?

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: Hes been typing for a while...

Gen: Yeah, I’m trying to decide whether I should be scared or worried.

Kumquats: Well it all started when I got bored and decided to take a raft out into the ocean to try and get to another continent. I got caught in a storm and struck by lightning, and it caused me to fall unconscious. When I woke up, I was in a house with a girl named Marin and her dad, named Tarin. Tarin gave me my shield, and Marin told me that my sword should be on the beach. So off I went to the beach! My sword was indeed there, so I grabbed it, then an owl told me to go to Tail Cave in the woods, so I went and fought my way through it. I did a bunch more dungeons like that one, and along the way I got to know the people of the island (and Marin in particular) better and better. Each of the dungeons also had an instrument in them, including an ocarina I got from the Dream Shrine. As I progressed, I found out that in order to leave the island, I had to wake the Wind Fish, who was currently in an egg on that mountain. One of the dungeons I went to was called Southern Face Shrine, and inside it I found a mural that said, “ To the finder… The island of Koholint is but an illusion… Human, Monster, Sea, Sky… A scene on the lid of a sleeper’s eye… Awake the Wind Fish and Koholint will vanish much like a bubble on a needle… Castaway, you should know the truth!” Those are words I will never forget. Eventually, after gathering all the instruments, I climbed Mount Tamaranch and woke the Wind Fish---And he left me stranded in the middle of the ocean!! Not so much as an “as thanks for killing the Nightmare, let me help you to shore!!” Nothing whatsoever, he just flies off into the sky like the irritating giant winged whale he is!! So rude!!

Kumquats: So no, I don’t like the Wind Fish very much.

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Uhhhh….

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: Wow.

Gen: Indeed.

Link Link: Well that does remind me, me and Ocarina wanna be called Time To Fight The Moon and Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire respectively

Kumquats: Ask And Ye Shall Receive!

_Kumquats_ changed _Link Link_ ’s name to _Time To Fight The Moon_!

_Kumquats_ changed _Link Link (2)_ ’s name to _Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire_!

furry: Yep. This is already off to a great start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last name origins:  
> Steam: The last name of the guy who invented trains  
> GBRV: hc that their dad's name is Leon  
> Realm: Discord Shenanigans  
> Dusk, Gen, Wind: hometown names  
> Sketch: He does adventures in Lorule, and I like emphasizing the similarities between ALBW and ALttP  
> Lore: based off of the hc that Zelda's his sister  
> Mask and Ocarina: Miyamoto said that Link's full name was Link Link  
> The Four: Hindi word for four  
> Speck: he's actually the grandson, but close enough  
> Shadow: Japanese word for shadow


	2. Stories Galore!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> asdfdsfwasdf howd this get 93 hits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Speck: TheQuietOne  
> Ocarina: Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire  
> Mask: Time To Fight The Moon  
> Dusk: furry  
> GRBV: Guess its not hard  
> Wind: Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man  
> Steam: GhostBuster  
> Lore: Kumquats  
> Sketch: Sunny Weather Poncho Man  
> Realm: it changes but its never hard to figure out
> 
> I left out the ones who are just using their nicknames because that doesnt even merit a "guess"

GhostBuster: so I just walked into painting

Ghostbuster: Which I share with GRBV and The Four

Ghostbuster: And today we’re doing still lifes.

Ghostbuster: Perfectly normal, right?

InnocentAndOptimistic: noooo why would you share this information??

GhostBuster: _Well_

GhostBuster: I arrive first and see we’re painting some vegetables

GhostBuster: I start setting up my canvas

GhostBuster: And I see GRBV arrive, with Green in the lead

CalmAndCollected: I do hope you realize what telling this story will do, Steam.

GhostBuster: They look at the table

HotheadedAndAggressive: I DARE you to finish this sentence I DARE YOU

GhostBuster: And Green jumps at least ten feet into the air

GhostBuster: Blue is visibly panicked

GhostBuster: Vio takes one look at the table and turns around and walks right back out

GhostBuster: Red is in the back

GhostBuster: He sees the table and deliberately moves in front of it, obviously unhappy but also the only one not freaking out, but he’s only blocking one thing

GhostBuster: The Green Peppers

FocusedAndMotivated: This Means War Steam you have half an hour

GhostBuster: The Four come in, and because they’re four people, they can see around Red easily

GhostBuster: They see the table and the Green Peppers

GhostBuster: and also jump ten feet up, yes all of them, which knocked over some other poor student, who fell into an easel which fell onto the table

GhostBuster: And the Green Peppers scattered all over the floor

GhostBuster: Green takes off running

GhostBuster: Blue is right behind him, and the Four after him

GhostBuster: Red just sort of edges outside

GhostBuster: Never in my _life_ have I seen a vegetable cause that much of a commotion

GhostBuster: It was _fantastic_

GhostBuster: oh holy hylia they werent kidhfjalfbh

GhostBuster: Not what you should’ve done with your half hour, fool

GhostBuster: Steam you're gonna regret this

GhostBuster: We were doing still lifes of objects, like chairs and boxes and such

GhostBuster: One of the objects was esgbhrjves

GhostBuster: WE HAD A DEAL

HotHeadedAndAggressive: YOU BROKE IT WHEN YOU TOLD THAT STORY

FocusedAndMotivated: Anyway one of the objects was this toy train

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: oh I gotta hear this

CalmAndCollected: His view of the train was blocked by a box or something

InnocentAndOptimistic: The train was really hard to draw!!

HotheadedAndAggressive: aND HE DIDNT HAVE TO DRAW IT

FocusedAndMotivated: So he hears us complaining about this Nayru-damned train

FocusedAndMotivated: And he just goes--

InnocentAndOptimistic: “I like trains!”

CalmAndCollected: So of course we all immediately start quoting asdf movies

HotheadedAndAggressive: aNF HE DOESNT GET IT

HotheadedAndAggressive: HE HASNT EVEN SEEN THEM HE 

InnocentAndOptimistic: He just likes trains!!

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Sometimes when he runs out of things to talk about he’ll just go, “I like trains”

CalmAndCollected: Apropos of nothing yeah we’ve noticed too

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: adszfsegsr that should be his name not GhostBuster

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: I don’t even understand why that’s his name in the first place

GhostBuster: I’m telling you I see ghosts!!

furry: wait arent you and GRBV in the same room right now? And the Four?

GhostBuster: Yeah they bROKE INTO MY HOUSE

furry: so you’re all just silently glaring at your phones in the same room

HotheadedAndAggressive: yeh p much

Kumquats: wow thats awkward

Kumquats: anyway

_Kumquats_ changed _GhostBuster_ ’s name to _I Like Trains_!

I Like Trains: Hey!!!

_Kumquats_ changed _The Four_ ’s name to _Green Pepper Phobia_

Green Pepper Phobia: You’re next

Green Pepper Phobia: Steam wanna help out?

Kumquats: I have made mistakes'

I don’t know (where I am that is): Hey can I have mod privileges

Kumquats: squints suspiciously why??

I don’t know (where I am that is): I gotta change my nickname

furry: okay but you lose them the moment you use them for anything other than changing your own nickname

I don’t know (where I am that is): Okay!!

_furry_ upgraded _I don’t know (where I am that is)_ to moderator!

Gen: Why did you give them to him at all?

furry: because I think I know why he requested them

_I don’t know (where I am that is)_ changed his name to _Everyone’s favorite book: Wheres Realm_

Everyone’s favorite book: Wheres Realm: Please help

furry: yeah thats pretty much what I thought

furry: @I Like Trains it’s your turn to go get him

I Like Trains: oh _come on!!_

Everyone’s favorite book: Wheres Realm: Sorry!!

I Like Trains: Okay send me a picture of your surroundings and for the love of Nayru Don’t Move A Muscle 

  


* * *

  


Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Who’s your favorite teacher quick go!!

I Like Trains: Ms. Farore

TheQuietOne: ( ᐛ )و

FocusedAndMotivated: Farore

InnocentAndOptimistic: Farore

HotheadedAndAggressive: Din actually

CalmAndCollected: I personally am a fan of Nayru

Everyone’s favorite book: Where’s Realm: Farore!! She helps me get to class ;u;

CalmAndCollected: Makes sense you would like her blunt-force method of teaching

HotheadedAndAggressive: Better than She Of A Million Tangents!!

HotheadedAndAggressive: I can never tell what it is that I’m actually supposed to be learning!

CalmAndCollected: You wanna talk about not knowing what you’re supposed to be learning? Din’s labs are awful for that exact reason! The results I get never line up with what the theory is supposed to be, which is incredibly frustrating, and I don’t even understand why we do labs in her class anyway if she can just tell us what it is we’re supposed to be learning!  
HotheadedAndAggressive: That’s what makes her class so engaging!! How hands-on it is!!

InnocentAndOptimistic: I like Din’s class too! Especially Fire Fridays!!

CalmAndCollected: You would, I suppose.

InnocentAndOptimistic: But Farore is my favorite teacher, she’s just so nice and helpful!

Everyone’s favorite book: Wheres Realm: Yeah exactly!!

Gen: He’s not technically a teacher, but my favorite is actually Oni

Gen: His lectures on astrology are so fascinating!

Kumquats: Ooh if we’re counting the College Links then my favorite is Codex!

Gen: Seeing the two of you together makes me _shudder_

Kumquats: _it should_

Gen: _oh no what did you two do now_

Kumquats: …

Kumquats: I’m just saying you should probably avoid Wind Fish’s office for the next hour or so

Gen: LORE WHAT DID YOU DO

Kumquats: Bye see you all later!!

_Kumquats_ left the chat!

Gen: oh no you don’t

_Gen_ added _Kumquats_ to the chat!

Kumquats: You’ll never catch me alime!!

furry: anyway

furry: my favorite teacher is also Farore

furry: for fixing the Zant Incident

Green Pepper Phobia: Oh yeah that’s a really good point

Green Pepper Phobia: Farore is our favorite too but because she’s so accepting, only that in part

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: Farore annoys me

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: I always feel like she’s making me prove my rights to be in her class and to hang out with you guys

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: Even though I’m a Link too!! It’s really annoying

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: I’m gonna cast my vote for Oni or Codex

TheEdgyOne: My favorite is NOT Farore

TheEdgyOne: She dotes on me and I Hate it

The EdgyOne: And Dragmire can eat Steve the Cucco

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Oh yeah absolutely

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: He deserves the wrath of an angry flock of Cuccos

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: My favorite is also Oni! He’s hard to get close to but his tutoring is always really helpful

Time To Fight The Moon: He supports my endeavors to blow up the moon he’s my favorite too


	3. Heelie Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gen changes to Wheelie Thief and Lore changes to Heelie Man; beyond that, names are the same.

_Kumquats_ changed his name to _Heelie Man!_

furry: oh no

Heelie Man: Oh Yes

furry: This will not end well for you, I hope you know.

Heelie Man: It is there that you are mistaken

Heelie Man: There is no possible way this could go horribly wrong for me  


  


* * *

  
Gen: _That’s it I’m taking the heelies_

Gen: _This has gone on long enough_

Heelie Man: NOOOOO NOT THE HEELIES

Heelie Man: DUSK HELP

furry: Sorry I’m actually with Gen here

furry: Heelies are okay when they’re used in moderation

Gen: Heelies are never okay actually but I can suffer them if they’re worn and used only in moderation

Gen: Like what Ocarina does

Heelie Man: But what’s the point of having heelies if you never get to use them??

furry: The point isn’t to never use them it’s to use them in moderation

furry: Ocarina only heelies away for maximum humor

Heelie Man: He literally always heelies out of Dragmire’s class

Gen: _Mr._ Dragmire

Heelie Man: But he’s awful! He doesn’t deserve the respect!

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Yeah, actually, you’re right!

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Hey can you change my name?

Heelie Man: Sure!

_Heelie Man_ changed _Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire_ ’s name to _Time To Fight Dragmire_!

Time To Fight Dragmire: Hmm doesn’t really have the same impact, does it…

Heelie Man: No, not really

Heelie Man: Guess I’ll change it back then, even if he Really doesn’t deserve it

_Heelie Man_ changed _Time To Fight Dragmire_ ’s name to _Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire_!

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Yeah that hits better

Time To Fight The Moon: I’m doing that to Majora from now on

Heelie Man: Heck yeah join the squad

furry: What squad?? It’s literally just you??

Heelie Man: Hey Mask joined in that makes it a squad!!

furry: I mean

furry: I _guess_

Gen: Anyway back to the topic at hand

Gen: _Hand over the heelies_

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Wait me too?? I thought it was just Lore!

Gen: No you’re fine, it’s just Lore

Gen: _But he needs to hand ‘em over_

Heelie Man: You’ll never catch me alive!

_Heelie Man_ has left the chat!

Gen: _You’re not getting away that easy_

_Gen_ added _Heelie Man_ to the chat!

Heelie Man: NOOOOOO

Heelie Man: I’LL NEVER GIVE THEM AWAY

Heelie Man: NEVERRRR

I Like Trains: hOLY HYLIA GEN JUST JUMPED OUT OF HIS SEAT IN THE MIDDLE OF PHYSICS WHAT IS GOING ON

Heelie Man: hO CRAP

Heelie Man: GOTTA NYOOM

I Like Trains: What’s going on!! Ms. Nayru is Angry!!

furry: Gen is confiscating Lore’s heelies

I Like Trains: I told her and she said, “A worthy cause. I shall let it slide, just this once.”

TheQuietOne: (ू′o‵ ू)*✲ﾟ

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Lore jumped out of his seat and ran out the door and I told Mr. Windfish why and he said, “Good. I never should have let him into the classroom with those on in the first place.”

Heelie Man: _Tthis is wghy i ahte him so meuch_

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Are you trying to type while running?? It’s not succeeding

Heelie Man: whiel geeliew acutaalu

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: While Heelieing?? Is that what you were trying to say??

Heelie Man: yes

Heelie Man: oh lok i goat wor dtight!

furry: Did someone mention my _babies???_

furry: oh no it was just Lore failing to type

Time To Fight The Moon: Guys we’ve figured out how to summon Dusk

Time To Fight The Moon: Mention goats

furry: Fight me Mask

Time To Fight The Moon: You could pick me up and carry me over one shoulder I’m good thanks  


  


* * *

  
Heelie Man: Update:

_Heelie Man_ changed _Gen_ ’s name to _Wheelie Thief_!

Heelie Man: He took my heelies.

furry: I did warn you Lore

Heelie Man: Yeah. You did. 

Heelie Man: Hey Speck can I have a situationally-appropriate emoticon?

TheQuietOne: ヾ（〃＾∇＾）ﾉ♪

Heelie Man: rUDE

TheQuietOne: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Heelie Man: 

Heelie Man: I’m speechless

TheEdgyOne: HECK YEA SPECK

TheEdgyOne: THAT”S HOW WE DO IT

TheQuietOne: (*^▽^*)  


  


* * *

  
Heelie Man: GEN

Heelie Man: YOU INSULT MY HEELIES

Heelie Man: STEAL THEM

Heelie Man: AND THEN COME RIDING INTO SCHOOL ON YOUR LOFTWING????

Heelie Man: THE NERVE

Wheelie Thief: I missed the bus! I was gonna be late!

Heelie Man: _A likely story_

Wheelie Thief: Dusk help!

furry: It’s true, we usually ride the bus together and he missed it

Heelie Man: _Fine._ I’ll forgive it _just this once._

Wheelie Thief: Good because if you stole Russu they’d never find the body

furry: hOKAY DIAL IT BACK YOU TWO

furry: BIT TOO MUCH THERE

Wheelie Thief: Yeah alright

Heelie Man: Okay, Dusk…

Wheelie Thief: Still true though.

furry: _Gen…_

Wheelie Thief: Okay I sent Russu home! No need for murder if he can’t be stolen!

furry: Okay.

furry: I’ll accept that.

furry: Only because I’d do the same for any of my animals, though.  


  


* * *

  
TheEdgyOne: Gen brought his bird to school today.

furry: … Yes..?

TheEdgyOne: Does this mean I can bring Virah to school??

furry: No!! You raising her is illegal enough as is!!

furry: Never mind bringing what’s technically a wild animal onto school property!!

furry: Mr. Demise would get you arrested!!

TheEdgyOne: So??? I’d just break out!

Wheelie Thief: Shadow.

Wheelie Thief: No.

Heelie Man: I for one aadfhjskg

TheEdgyOne: ???

Wheelie Thief: I stole his phone

furry: A wise choice

furry: Anyway Shadow you can’t bring Virah to school!

furry: If you get arrested you’ll make Red sad!

TheEdgyOne:

The EdgyOne: A compelling point.

TheEdgyOne: Fine, I won’t bring Virah to school.  


  


* * *

  
Wheelie Thief: THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN STEAL STEVE!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russu: a combination of latin and old english for crimson; this is Gen's loftwing if that wasn't clear. first u is like "uh," second is like "you"  
> Virah: a combination of a couple names I liked from a random generator; Shadow's illegal dragon
> 
> And yes this is more of an urban fantasy setting than anything else, except for the fact that it probably isnt even urban, why do you ask


	4. In Which Dusk Betrays Lore For Soup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No name changes but Gen's Loftwing is named Russu! I came up with that months ago so I do not remember why

Time To Fight The Moon: Are you ever just

Time To Fight The Moon: Doing your thing

Time To Fight The Moon: Reading webcomics or whatever

Hotheaded And Aggressive: That’s literally just you dude

Innocent And Optimistic: _I know for a fact it’s not but okay_

Hotheaded And Aggressive: fghfDFHGDSFGDF DON’T CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

Time To Fight The Moon: ANYWAY

Time To Fight The Moon: You’re just doing your thing

Time To Fight The Moon: And out of nOWHERE

Time To Fight The Moon: You’re just sLAPPED with the fact

Time To Fight The Moon: that almost everyone else in the world experiences this thing that you have lITERALLY NO CONCEPT OF

TheEdgyOne: Oh All The Time

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Big mood

Focused And Motivated: Oh mood

Calm And Collected: Mood

Everyone’s Favorite Book: Where’s Realm: Can’t relate

Time To Fight The Moon: This is the arospec/acespec squad Get Out

Everyone’s Favorite Book: Where’s Realm: Rude

  


* * *

  


Wheelie Thief: WHO KNOCKED OVER MY ONIONS

Time To Fight The Moon: What??

Wheelie Thief: MY ONIONS

Wheelie Thief: THAT I PLANTED

Wheelie Thief: I WAS GONNA EAT THOSE

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: I didn’t even know you had onions??

Wheelie Thief: I DID

Wheelie Thief: but _sOMEONE_

Wheelie Thief: _knOCKED THEM OVER_

Time To Fight The Moon: Well it wasn’t me I haven’t been to your farm since Shadow tried to steal Russu

Wheelie Thief: _SHADOW W H A T_

Time To Fight The Moon: It didn’t work

Time To Fight The Moon: He wanted, and I quote, “Virah to have a nice flying friend!”

TheEdgyOne: Mask delete these now or I’ll delete you.

Time To Fight The Moon: Bring it you’re too soft to be a threat

Time To Fight The Moon: Anyway yeah he tried to seduce Russu with these salmon he got from somewhere.

Time To Fight The Moon: Like I said it didn’t work; Russu just stole the fish out of Shadow’s hands it was hilarious

Wheelie Thief: And what were you doing during all this Mask?

Time To Fight The Moon: Watching and dying of laughter, obviously

Time To Fight The Moon: Anyway I didn’t knock over your onions I haven’t been to your place since then

Time To Fight The Moon: Ask Shadow

Wheelie Thief: _THAT’S RIGHT MY ONIONS_

Wheelie Thief: @TheEdgyOne _GET YOUR BUTT BACK IN HERE_

TheEdgyOne: It wasn’t me! I’m pretty sure your bird hates me now so I also haven’t been back! Mask I’m going to tell Oni the reason why he and Codex kept bumping into everything in their dorm room and I won’t have to kill you because he will!

Time To Fight The Moon: please dont

TheEdgyOne: Just vengeance fool!!

TheEdgyOne: Should’ve thought of that before you slandered me!!

Wheelie Thief: Speaking of vengeance

Wheelie Thief: If I don’t find out who knocked over my onions

Wheelie Thief: No one gets any of my pumpkin soup this weekend, which I was _planning_ to use those _onIONS_ to _MAKE_

Time To Fight The Moon: no!!

furry: No not the soup!!

furry: For the sake of soup I’ll solve this conundrum

furry: Remember over spring break when I went to Hateno for that horse-riding competition?

furry: I met a friend

furry: and he followed me home

furry: I mean that literally he literally followed me

furry: and he just sent me this

_furry_ sent a video to chat _18 Man Army!_

_[ the video is very shaky and somewhat blocked by leaves--it’s also elevated oddly off the ground, as if the person recording was sitting in a tree. The video comes into focus to show a boy in a green shirt with vibrantly red hair being chased by a large pig across a wraparound porch on a farmhouse. The person taking the video was already muffling laughter, but as the red-haired boy lets out a scream, the muffled laughter ceases to be muffled and the video gets even shakier--then something that sounds like “oh dIN--” and the camera falls, and as it lands a far-louder-than-the-phone-should-make thump sounds. The video ends with the sound of someone shouting-- “Who the crap are you!?”]_

Wheelie Thief: _**LORE**_

Wheelie Thief: @Heelie Man _**LORE YOU KNOCKED OVER MY ONIONS**_

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Really? _That’s_ the most important part of this video?? Not, perhaps, the _random stranger trespassing on your property??_

Wheelie Thief: Imagine if Lore splattered paint all over a finished masterpiece

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Never mind proceed!

furry: It’s fine anyway Sketch, I know who recorded that and he’s pretty cool

furry: Somehow manages to be quieter than Speck, but he made me pumpkin soup

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Ah yes, the true indicator of trustworthiness.

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Making you soup.

_furry_ changed the chat name to _Pumpkin Soup Lads!_

furry: Would anyone like to contest me on this?

furry: No one?

furry: That’s what I thought.

furry: Wait crap where are Lore and Gen

Heelie Man: AEGFDHGSDFGFDGNHJRTSERGDFGBFNHGC DUSK HELP

furry: Duty calls I suppose

Time To Fight The Moon: ~~And he says he’s not a leader~~

furry: THAT’S BECAUSE I’M NOT

Time To Fight The Moon: Whatever you say furry


	5. Oh the one that got Zant fired??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mask No Slep
> 
> Also right at the very end there's the f word, and this is uh. A _bit_ more serious than this fic has been in previous chapters, so. Have fun??
> 
> Right yeah so there's a couple new nicknames in this one:  
> Wolf Boi: Dusk  
> Kumquats: Lore  
> birds birds birds: Gen
> 
> The rest are the same as previous chapters, and actually I'm gonna put those in the end notes

Focused And Motivated: Question why have both Mask and Lore edited a Where’s Waldo book to put Realm’s face over Waldo’s??

Heelie Man: Wait. Mask. You _stole my idea??_

Time To Fight The Moon: No!! If anything, _you_ stole _mine!!_

Focused And Motivated: You mean to tell me that you _both_ came up with the _same stupid joke_

Focused And Motivated: _individually_

Focused And Motivated: At the _same time??_ Fully independently of each other???

Heelie Man: Hey!! The joke's not stupid, or we both wouldn't have come up with it!!

Time To Fight The Moon: You seem really shaken up about this, Green

Focused And Motivated: _This is the type of shenanigans I’d expect from me and my brothers_

Focused And Motivated: _Not two completely separate individual Links_

Focused And Motivated: _What in Nayru’s Order_

Time To Fight The Moon: Wow okay

Wheelie Thief: Does anyone know why Mask looks so exhausted today?

The Edgy One: Yeah

Wheelie Thief: Are you gonna tell me why?

The Edgy One: Nope

Wheelie Thief: ... And why not?

The Quiet One: @Wheelie Thief (≖_≖ )

Wheelie Thief: Thank you Speck

The Edgy One: He told me not to tell you specifically lol

Wheelie Thief: (≖_≖ )

Time To Fight The Moon: Ocarina I need the. Thing.

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: The... thing?

Time To Fight The Moon: Yeah the thing for the stuff

Time To Fight The Moon: Oh that thing!! Yeah sure, I'm on my free now so I'll be there in a couple seconds

Wheelie Thief: What's the thing, Ocarina?

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Oh you know!! The Thing!! For the Stuff!!

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Definitely not anything you have to be worried about nope no way

Wheelie Thief: (≖_≖ )

I Like Trains: _wow_ I hate the English project

Time To Fight The Moon: I Know Right!!

I Like Trains: Heck off Mask at least you know what you're doing!

I Like Trains: My thing is engineering! Science! Machinery! Nothing that involves getting interviews from random people!! I hate this!!

Calm And Collected: I _wholeheartedly agree,_ Steam. Want to talk to Mr. Dragmire about it with me, see if we can't do something more our speed?

I Like Trains: _yes please_

Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Right I forgot this project was assigned by the Worst There Is. I am _very_ glad I still have a year left before I have to do it, Mask's experiment thing is _exhausting_ to _watch_ , never mind to _do_

Heelie Man: _exhausting you say_

Time To Fight The Moon: Oh Steam you're on! I need. I require your assistance. Special Sight powers. I have a Request.

I Like Trains: Oh crap guys this isnt the class chat!! Gen's in here!!

Time To Fight The Moon: Oh yeah lets scoot!!

Wheelie Man: (≖_≖ )

  


_Chat: The Link Wranglers (Plus one wrangl-ee)_

_Kumquats_ changed the chat name to _The Link Wranglers!_

_Wolf Boi_ changed the chat name to _The Link Wranglers (Plus one wrangl-ee)!_

_Kumquats_ changed the chat name to _The Link Wranglers!_

_Wolf Boi_ changed the chat name to _The Link Wranglers (plus one wrangl-ee)!_

birds birds birds: Hey what project are the juniors working on??

birds birds birds: You can keep doing this later

Kumquats: Gen! A tie-breaker! Please help us pick a name!

birds birds birds: Okay, but answer my question first please

Wolf Boi: They're doing that one "experience research paper" for Mr. Dragmire's class

birds birds birds: Oh the one that got Zant fired?

Wolf Boi: _that's the one_

birds birds birds: Thank you Dusk!

Kumquats: Now.

_Kumquats_ changed the chat name to _The Link Wranglers!_

Kumquats: We have a debate to settle.

_birds birds birds_ changed the chat name to _LiT (Leaders in Technicality)!_

birds birds birds: Okay?

Wolf Boi: Yeah fine

Kumquats: Heck yeah!

  


_Chat: Direct Message user Mask_

Gen: So Mask

Gen: I heard you were working on your experience paper for Mr. Dragmire's class? Do you need any help with it?

Mask: No, not at the moment

Mask: I'm already nearly done with my experiment, actually, and some people haven't even _started_ theirs

Mask: So I think I'm pretty good

Gen: You sure you don't need any help?

Mask: I'm _fine_ , Gen! I don't need you babying me!

Gen: I’m just worried, Mask! Everyone’s been so evasive!

Mask: Yeah, because we _knew_ this would happen!! _**I**_ knew this would happen! I really just want you to leave me _alone_ about it!!!

Mask: For _Farore's sake!_

Gen: …

Gen: Okay then.

Gen: I’ll leave you alone.

  


_Chat: 23 Man Army_

Focused And Motivated: No, listen, I just want to know why both of them have _separately_ made the _exact same joke_

The Edgy One: It’s because we’re all the same person, keep up

Innocent And Optimistic: _Oooh_ are you admitting to being a member of the chain, Shadow??

The Edgy One: No!! Back off!!

_Wheelie Thief_ has left the chat!

The Quiet One: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The Quiet One: !!!

The Quiet One: (,,꒪꒫꒪,,) (,,꒪꒫꒪,,) (,,꒪꒫꒪,,)

Innocent And Optimistic: Why’d Gen leave the chat?!?

Focused And Motivated: Oh Crap!!

Time To Fight The Moon: … I fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahahahah
> 
> youre welcome
> 
> Nicknames, in order of appearance in this chapter:   
> Focused And Motivated: Green  
> Heelie Man: Lore  
> Time To Fight The Moon: Mask  
> Wheelie Thief: Gen  
> The Edgy One: Shadow  
> The Quiet One: Speck  
> Time To Fight Mr. Dragmire: Ocarina  
> I Like Trains: Steam  
> Calm And Collected: Vio  
> Innocent And Optimistic: Red


	6. Puns? Puns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:  
> Lore: Bored!  
> Dusk: Tired!  
> Steam: MrEngineerMan  
> The Four: (not) Single-Minded  
> Realm: literally where am i

_Link Hyrule_ created a group chat!

_Link Hyrule_ named chat _The get-along chat!!_

_Link Hyrule_ added _Link Skyloft_ , _Link Ordon_ , and _Link Link_ to the chat!

Link Hyrule: I support you’re wondering why I’ve brought you all here today

Link Hyrule: Oh wow I hate this

Link Link: Not really

_Link Hyrule_ changed his name to _Bored!_

_Bored!_ upgraded _Link Ordon_ to moderator!

_Link Ordon_ changed his name to _Dusk_

_Dusk_ changed _Link Link_ ’s name to _Mask_

_Dusk_ changed _Link Skyloft_ ’s name to _Gen_

Dusk: Okay now thats out of the way

Dusk: Lore the only thing I’m wondering is why _I_ have to be here

Bored!: I mean if you really want to I guess you could leave

Bored!: But then it would be just me, Mask, and Gen in a chat whose very purpose is certain to make Gen

Bored!: Well

Gen: Think _very carefully_ before you speak, Lore.

Bored!: Yeah exactly! Thanks for making my point Gen!

Dusk: … Fine. I’ll stay.

_Dusk_ changed his name to _Tired!_

Bored!: Anyway. The point of this chat is blackmail!

Tired!: What.

Bored!: Gen! If you don’t make up with Mask I’m going to dye Russu solid white!

Gen: Why white? That’s really not that bad

Bored!: Ah, but think how annoying it’ll be to clean up! And I’ll be using the strongest feather-safe dye I can find, which I may-or-may-not know from experience is _incredibly strong!_

Gen: Lore I’m going to be the direct cause of your death.

Bored!: Mask! If you don’t make up with Gen I’m going to tell Ocarina that you’re the one who moved all the furniture in the house over by three inches that one time!  
Tired!: I remember that Ocarina was _pissed_.

Mask: _please dont_

Bored!: So there are your threats! Get to it!

  
  


Sunny Weather Poncho Man: You’re in treble now!

_Sunny Weather Poncho Man sent an image!  
_

Time To Fight The Moon: bard sword bard sword bard

Time To Fight The Moon: 11/10, brings style and pun opportunity to the battlefield

Hotheaded And Aggressive: _Clef_ t your enemies in twain

Time To Fight The Moon: _Beat_ your foes

Time To Fight The Moon: (Weak but valid)

Hotheaded And Aggressive: Solflay those who stand in your way

Time To Fight The Moon: Beware, my blade is #

Hotheaded And Aggressive: ertfhg

Hotheaded And Aggressive: Pound your enemies ♭

Hotheaded And Aggressive: NO

Hotheaded And Aggressive: _Beat_ them flat

Hotheaded And Aggressive: Two puns in one! And yes I stole yours!

Time To Fight The Moon: Battle is my forte

Hotheaded And Aggressive: Alright I surrender

Hotheaded And Aggressive: Alto I would like to get one last pun in

Time To Fight The Moon: You can’t just come bach into the battle like that!

Hotheaded And Aggressive: I said one last pun! C reason!

Time To Fight The Moon: I have no symphony for you, foolish mortal

_Time To Fight The Moon sent an image!  
It has four puns with images to go with them, most notably “sweet dreams are made of cheese”_

Hotheaded And Aggressive: Please be merciful, I’m beethoven you!

Hotheaded And Aggressive: Who am I to disabrie

Time To Fight The Moon: I traveled the world and the casserie

Time To Fight The Moon: (I have another one ready)

Hotheaded And Aggressive: (I don’t bc I don’t know cheeses)

Time To Fight The Moon: Everybody’s looking for combté

Time To Fight The Moon: I googled lol

Time To Fight The Moon: Also there is a cheese called the “stinking bishop”

Hotheaded And Aggressive: Jeez what did the bishop do to deserve that?

Time To Fight The Moon: Probably sneezed at the wrong time of day, who knows

  
  


_I Like Trains_ changed his name to _MrEngineerMan_

TheQuietOne: ｢(ﾟ<ﾟ)ﾞ?? 

MrEngineerMan: Got tired of the old one

MrEngineerMan: Didn’t understand it anyway

Stormy Weather T-Shirt Man: Makes sense

  


_The Four_ changed their name to _(not) Single-Minded_

(not) Single-Minded: Same

  
  


furry: Has anyone seen my goat?

literally where am i: Don’t you have like ten goats?

furry: Thirteen actually

literally where am i: That’s even worse!!

furry: But I’m missing a specific goat! I’m missin Sir Walter Raleigh, he’s the one with the ocean-colored fur

MrEngineerMan: _All of your goats look the same_

furry: That’s a lie! They all have unique identifying features! For example Adolin’s horns are much more yellow than the others’! And Ebenezer Scrooge: Extreme Edition has darker hooves! And Byleth has a darker dorsal stripe! And Larry From Accounting barely has a dorsal stripe at all!!

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Yeah all the examples he gave are pretty easy to tell apart

literally where am i: _Some_ of the examples?

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Yeah. _Some_.

furry: You’re just a weakling Cone, Goatimus Prime, and Squeezable BFG are all _perfectly_ identifiable.

MrEngineerMan: _They all look **the same!!!**_

furry: **They Do _Not_**

furry: And this isn’t important right now!! What matters is that Sir Walter Raleigh is missing!!

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Wait isn’t he the one that goes missing literally constantly??

furry: well. yes,

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: And doesn’t he always appear on the school roof eventually??

furry: I mean.

Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Just wait for him there!!

furry: I can’t do that! Then I’ll have to leave Ronald, Manasses, RPG, and Dwight alone with Erik the Putridly Uncouth!! _That can’t be allowed to happen!_  
Sunny Weather Poncho Man: Just @ Red you know he’ll love to watch them for you

furry: gdrhf _fine_

furry: _@Innocent And Optimistic_ You wanna watch my goats? I gotta go get Sir Walter Raleigh again

Innocent And Optimistic: YES

Wheelie Thief: Glad that’s solved, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A link to the sword Sketch drew:  
> https://artisticgryfess.tumblr.com/post/626208342478569472/youre-in-treble-now  
> Also literally that entire conversation is lifted from a conversation i had with a friend when he saw the drawing friend if youre seeing this: ily
> 
> so how about those goat names huh??


End file.
